Mother's Day...and the flood of emotions that come with

Wow, my 5th mother's day - how did that happen? I so fondly remember every day, before I was even married, of what I wouldn't give to be a "mommy"! How I would love my children with every ounce of my being, how I would forever teach them amazing, wonderful, loving, honorable things that only a mother can truly teach...you can see where I am going...UNrealistic expectations! That's right - they are everywhere. And lately that is what I'm flooded with...keeping the perfect balance of marriage, being a mom, a part time working from home mom at that (what is the acronym for that...SAHWFHM - stay at home work from home mom), a loving and adoring and submissive and encouragin wife, a forever friend who never misses a birthday or anniversary or kids' birthday or death of a pet kind of friend...and so on and so on

Let's get real ladies (yes, I say ladies b/c no man in their right mind would really get caught up in my nonsense, and I have 2 girls who some day will get to read my ramblings)...so back to getting real...God is the ONLY perfect ONE whom will ever cross our paths, EVER! So instead of creating my list of unrealistic expectations that I think everyone else in the world also has of me, I need to LET IT GO! Let go of the tasks I don't accomplish; let go of the fact that although I should've been working or doing bible study, I accidentally went to Target to get "just a couple things"; let go of the days where I raised my voice at my kids one too many times (although this one I truly need to work on); let go of the fact that all day I was really longing to create a conversation in my head that my husband and I were going to have when he got home b/c he was "Just dying" to tell me this really meaningful and emotional thing that occurred to him during the day that he couldn't wait to share with me...and the girls quietly played together in a room so we could have that uninterrupted moment...LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you laughing with me yet?

Okay, my point is (at 12:21 am) that I clearly have set myself up to fail at EVERYthing, so give it up; give it up to the One who cares about every single one of those dreams, wishes, unrealistic expectations that I've ever had and ASK HIM to give me some reasonable goals and expectaions! Then ask my husband what 3-4 expectations he has that are most important to him; ask my children what their favorite thing to do is that I can try to accomplish for them every once in a while; and ask and pray for wisdom and discernment for all the other areas I still allow to hang over my head.

Tonight at bible study I was sharing how all God really asks of us as moms is to raise our children in the way they should go...that's it ;) The only way we can do that is by surrendering ourselves to Him. My kids should expect to know that I love them no matter what, that Jesus loves them no matter what, and I need to focus on that expectation - love them and include them in loving others. Such a hard thing, yet so simple thing, to do. And somehow I know I have failed at it, but that's an important one! I need to focus in on those oh so important expectations, and I should just let God take over the rest. He is a loving, forgiving, all-knowing God who will get me through it. And with that, I just realized how tired I am, esp. from typing this without glasses on ;)

Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Dear Lord - let me please get this one right!

She Speaks entry

"She Speaks" conference is coming up and I've always wanted to go but obviously cannot afford it. With all that's gone on this past year (plus), I feel like it would be so rejuvenating. Anyway, they're giving away scholarhsips and it's based on a 6 word essay...WHAT?! So here's my attempt at a 6 word essay to capture their hearts :)
http://shespeaksconference.com/

Daughter, Wife, Mother, Friend - trying hard!

The past year or so has been probably the hardest - just with job losses, financial stress, babies turning into young girls with strong personalities, economic times banging down our front door, and all the while trying to keep our eyes up and focused on our perfect Creator of all that is good...even when we're unsure of how it will turn out for His, or our, good. So my essay is exactly what I'm striving to be, in order of priority - daughter to my perfect heavenly Father who has always had a plan for me, wife to an amazing man I can't explain what I'd do without, mother to two silly & lovable girls, and friend to all those I'm blessed to do life wtih...and it is hard!

"I can do all things (they are possible) through Him who gives me strength!!" philippians 4:13

Unconditional Love and..."bents"

We were just discussing in bible study the other night about unconditional love, and how God freely gives us His unconditional love, His overwhelming grace...for free!! We are to receive it from God, but how well do we allow others to receive it; do we let others feel that unconditional love from Him? Do we in turn show others the unconditional love that God gives us? It has been very challenging to me, esp. thinking about how I show God's love to my own family, my husband and kids. Do I freely offer them the grace, the acceptance that God calls of me? Not as much as I should.

And yet again, when God wants to teach me something...He will pound it into me over and over! Okay God, I see this is something you really want me to grasp and learn!!

As I was reading a book this morning, sadly to say "She's Gonna Blow!" by Julie Ann Barnhill talking about anger in parenting...yes, it is a struggle ;)She was writing about our children and their "bent"...let me just rewrite how she explains it

If you've never read or studied about temperaments, this is the time to begin. Your child has a natural, God-given "bent," and a wise mother - that's you and I - will study and learn the direction that "bent" leans and focus on helping the child become who he or she was meant to be. A foolish mother disregards this biblical and bahavioral truth and suffers the consequences.

This is true for everyone in the world, but specifically everyone whom we are called to love, those who God has gifted to us and we have the privilege and responsbility to show His love to...i.e. my husband and kids specifically right now as God lays this on my heart. She continues to give examples of much grief she could've saved herself from had she embraced her kids' bents before venturing out to do something that ended poorly b/c it went against their bents. Everyone has "bents" and God-given tendencies! The more we learn about these bents, the more we will learn to love the people in our lives and appreciate who God made them to be.

Just as I am what I am, so too are my mother, father, relatives, and treasured friends, each with his or her own tendencies and leanings. This has nothing to do with one person's being more worthy of kindness or love because of particular personality traits. It is about unconditional love...and that is difficult in the best of situations. But I've found that understanding and accepting the many ways human beings can differ helps make loving them easier.

Beyond just this, understanding these tendencies that create the people who we love helps us create a more loving and less angry home and environment for them. This just really reitterated what Paul was preaching about to the Galatians and challenging them in - God has freely offered us His unconditional love & grace!! Who are we to put limits on that FREE, UNconditional LOVE & GRACE that He offers to others? We are given it and we are to extend it to others, especially those who are closest to us who we often neglect the most. I am so blessed by my family, I pray that God would help me to extend the same love and grace to them that He shows me every second of every day!

Callie turns 3! March 14, 2011

Since I vividly remember bringing Felicity home not that long ago and she's 5, the fact that Callie is now 3 blows my mind! It feels like just yesterday I was laying in the hospital watching "Regis & Kelly" waiting to be wheeled in for my c-section, which was so easy going...just like my Callie girl :) She is a snuggle bug, a lover, a kisser, a secret teller, a very silly girl! Callie adds such a different dynamic to our family - for 1, she is a mommy's girl (for the most part, but it seems to be changing) where as Felicity has always been a daddy's girl; she will fall apart at the seams if you hurt her feelings (even if just disciplining her); she is so easy to put to bed (sing her a song, say a quick prayer and get out); she wants to always be included in everything (esp. when her sister is wanting alone time). She is just such a unique, fun loving, sweet spirited character! She and Felicity are a lot alike in some ways and nothing alike in others! They are looking more and more like each other, and they are acting more and more like Sarah & I did growing up (which is not so much a good thing). I'm praying for my girls as they are growing up, that they would learn to treasure each other as friends! That is something that took my sister and I way too long to realize!

Callie took longer to start talking, but this year her vocabulary has florished! She talks too fast for her own understanding sometimes! After asking her 5 times what she has said, she finally says "oh, nevermind" with a silly grin. I'm not always so sure she actually knew what she meant. She loves making up stories when you can get her to, including lies, which I don't think she thinks are lies...they are just stories to her. She is constantly making us all laugh, like belly laughing! She says the funniest things and in the funniest mannerisms; God has put such a fun sense of humor in this little girl!

Callie Nicole Clark - Happy 3rd Birthday - may God continue to unravel all the fun intricacies of your character in this next year! We absolutely love what you bring to this family!

Felicity turns 5! March 2, 2011

It seriously feels like yesterday that we brought this cute, little, innocent baby home from the hospital and we felt like we had NO clue what to do...so 5 years later, she's a bit bigger (50 lbs and 4' tall...the exact size of Joe at his 6 yr check up), not as innocent but still so cute, and we still have NO clue what we are doing...HA! Why does having kids make time go by way faster than you want it to? The days fly by and all of a sudden you are filling out kindergarten registration packets...WHAT?! How is this my life already? I am so not prepared for this next phase; although, we are embracing it and the girls seem more than ready for the next phase of kindergarten and preschool.

I've never been good at capturing who my girls are with words, but thought I'd start now while I have the blog and Felicity just turned 5.

The best way to describe Felicity is exactly how she would want to be described...Princess :)Not only does she love ALL things girly, but she truly wants to be like a princess, proper etiquette and all. Turn on some princess (or Miley Cyrus, unfortunately) music, get her in a dress, microphone in hand and you've got her bursting at the seams. I almost wonder if she will really go into show business;I've been toying with the idea of putting her in some type of singing/choir group. She loves singing, making up songs, remembering songs...thinking that might be a good area to explore. The problem is we've explored mutliple things - ballet, gymnastics - she loves them all...and we cannot afford any ;) And as of now, "all sports are for boys" according to Felicity. That might just devastate her daddy's dreams of free college scholarships though ;)

Felicity is so inquisitive; you can no longer tell her "Just because" or "you wouldn't understand"...she wants to try to understand. She asks amazing questions! Questions that really make you, yourself, think hard! She loves going to Cubbies (awanas), loves preschool, and loves to love her sister (as well as boss her around). Felicity has such a sweet spirit, and strong willed. The last year has been a very challenging one as she discovered her will...to love, to hate, to talk back, to cherish the moments...she wills it all :) But, the past two months have been better, she is learning to think things through, not to react so quickly (gee...where does she learn to react?), go to her room withought fits of screaming rage. It is pretty impressive because I wasn't so sure that stage would end, but she, once again, amazes us! God is using her to teach us, grow us, challenge us, and remind us what God asks of us...to love others as we would like to be loved! It is something we consistently are trying to teach her, but the best way is by example and we're continusouly working on that and how to do it better. When she loves someone, it's amazing, her whole heart just shines! If only we could all be like that with all people. Again I say, God uses our kids to teach us so much!

Our prayer is that this next year, we (me specifically) get better about showing Felicity patience, allowing her to learn how to deal with her problems, and to show her and tell her every day how much we love her for who she is...she is a true gift from God and I don't think we do quite justice to taking care of this precious gift from above.

Felicity Kay Clark - Happy 5th Birthday - may God reveal Himself to you in all the little details over this next year as you try to discover who He is and who you are in Him!

Praising God

We had a huge scare last night with Felicity and it made me ponder/reflect, for the most of the night, about how big our God is and how much He loves us! And...how I should really write down when I see His miracles ;) I can't imagine how anyone without hope and trust in our Savior get through the day. I realized that it would be so easy to put a bubble around my kids so they don't experience things like last night. There are SO many things that could hurt my babies, and I cannot live in a bubble. All I can do is trust in the One who created them and loves them more than I can even comprehend. So, today I am so thankful that God still wants my baby around, fully in tact with no broken bones!!!

I took Felicity to a birthday party last night at an indoor pool. We went upstairs, some very steep and narrow stairs, to watch a hula video and have cupcakes. The birthday girl, Felicity's "best friend" went back down to go swimming some more. I told Felicity and she quickly followed suit, very quickly!! The next thing I know is I hear her distinct scream. I rushed to the top of the stairs (which I was following her out anyway but got caught behind a crowd), and I see her laying at the bottom of them on a concrete slab flat on her back :( Can I tell you I don't even know how I got down those stairs myself because the next thing I know, I am sitting right there with her trying to comfort her w/out moving her. The lifeguard a dr didn't want her moving until she could move her legs by herself b/c she was crying her back hurt. Well, after a long 2 minutes, I finally picked her up and comforted her. A dad saw it happened and looked very shaken up! He said she slipped on the 2nd step (at the top) and just tumbled down, luckily on her side and not head over heels, all the way to the bottom of these stairs. Stairs that are concrete covered in that outdoor fake carpeting, which gets VERY slippery when wet! I even took a picture later on of the stairs to show Joe. Turns out I took it for me b/c last night as I was NOT sleeping, I was thinking about how I was going to call that place and chew them out for the staircase, not having a hand railing,etc...who would not put a hand railing on a set of stairs like that!? Well, at 2 am I looked at the picture and sure enough, there was hand railing...oops!! Guess I jumped to conclusions. Needless to say, I'm calm today and not calling the place at all. I'm choosing to show love, by not saying a thing, and to trust in our God who continuously wraps my babies in His arms so they do not get hurt, too often ;)

she is absolutely fine, not even a bruise, yet. JUst a little sore. Can I say it again? Our God is so good...ALL the time!
Thank you Lord for wanting my little girl around still; I know you have amazing plans for her precious soul!!

I may be blowing this out of proportion, but it was one of the scariest things I've experience with her thus far, I need to keep reminding myself that there's nothing to be fearful or anxious of; God's hands are bigger and greater than our own!

"I have Jesus in my heart. Everyone does"

Oh the mind of an almost 5 yr old!

I have been horrible at blogging! I love it, wish I was better at it, and at times like this, I know why it was created, yet still horrible at it! Anyway, on to the point...

The other night we had friends over after going out to dinner. Candy (friend) and I were on the floor in Callie's room talking and playing with the kids. Candy was explaining that her husband's grandpa passed away and was tiptoeing (sp?) around how to say it. I told her go ahead and say it, we're pretty honest about things around here. She she was telling Felicity he died and was in heaven, then asked Felicity if she understood that? Which of course Felicity does as she politely replied "well, yeah" as if to say "Duh!" We continued talking a little about Heaven and that not everyone gets to go there; you have to have Jesus in your heart. Praise God for wonderful friends...Candy then asked Felicity "do you have Jesus in your heart?" to which Felicity says "of course I have Jesus in my heart, everyone does" again, as if to say "DUH!" We quickly corrected her and explained to her that you have to make that decision for yourself, etc. Anyway, long story told longer....the conversation went on a few minutes and then Felicity lost interest.

A couple days later I wanted to follow up with Felicity on it, so I of course took her to Starbucks...where else would girls go to chat? :) I brought the topic back up and we discussed it for a few minutes. We brainstormed why Jesus is important (she asked "Is Jesus God's son?" I said yes. She said "Is Jesus God??" I said "that can be hard to understand but yes He is God as well, you can ask about that as you learn more") My Gosh....this girl has got some good questions!! She was asking GREAT questions and we discussed them together, like how we show God we love Him, how and why we pray to Him, etc. Then we got to the part where I explained in detail how you ask Jesus in to your heart and what it entails. I made it seem pretty easy but important and special at the same time, or at least I tried. She said she understood and wanted to do that. "SO, do you want to pray that prayer Felicity?" "Yeah, I Do". "Okay, do you want to do it with me here?" I asked her. "How about we go home after our drinks and go to our own bedrooms and pray by ourselves?" HAHAHA!! She cracks me up. I said we can do it later and to think of more questions if she has them. Then she says "how about we talk about our yummy drinks now?"

So, that is the beginning of Felicity's journey w/ Jesus :) Just had to share b/c I'd like to remember this conversation with her, and again, she just cracks me up!